It has been said by many that there are specific and profound moments/decisions in your life that change you. They leave deep and indelible impressions and you are never the same again, whether for better or worse. Write about one of these moments in your life, how it changed you, and whether you consider yourself a better or worse person for it.
I think one of the blessings of trials are the lessons we can learn from them.
After Stan and I got married, we wanted to have a baby soon, and having Summer less than a year later was really good for us and our relationship. I was content with one child, at least for the time being, but as the months past, I felt it was my duty to have another baby. I had a strong testimony of bringing children into the world, but that was the extent of my motivation. Out of duty, we were expecting another baby twenty two months after Summer was born. I wasn't excited or content. In my mind, we were doing the right thing, but heart wasn't in the right place; I was resentful and grumpy.
Well, I miscarried. I was surprised at how sad I was. Something I had resented and felt burdened by was taken from me and all of a sudden I wanted that possibility of a child back. My second question for the doctor after, "Why?" was, "When can we try again?"
It's another story how I came to know this, but I do know that that miscarriage was just a first try at Rachel. I will be forever grateful that she was still able to come to our family (she is such a joy) and for the lessons I learned. One of the most important ones was that children may be hard work and a lot of responsibility, our bodies may go through a lot to get them here and we may lose a lot of sleep between midnight feedings and freshman honors English essays, but the blessings far outweigh the difficulties. Each child is such a miracle and such a blessing.
I don't like to say I am a better person for this experience because I still have so far to go. I need to remember these grateful feelings on afternoons like I had today when dinner burns while I'm changing a stinky diaper and it all goes downhill from there, but even in the thick of it all, I wouldn't change a thing (except that diaper - again!).
Well, I miscarried. I was surprised at how sad I was. Something I had resented and felt burdened by was taken from me and all of a sudden I wanted that possibility of a child back. My second question for the doctor after, "Why?" was, "When can we try again?"
It's another story how I came to know this, but I do know that that miscarriage was just a first try at Rachel. I will be forever grateful that she was still able to come to our family (she is such a joy) and for the lessons I learned. One of the most important ones was that children may be hard work and a lot of responsibility, our bodies may go through a lot to get them here and we may lose a lot of sleep between midnight feedings and freshman honors English essays, but the blessings far outweigh the difficulties. Each child is such a miracle and such a blessing.
I don't like to say I am a better person for this experience because I still have so far to go. I need to remember these grateful feelings on afternoons like I had today when dinner burns while I'm changing a stinky diaper and it all goes downhill from there, but even in the thick of it all, I wouldn't change a thing (except that diaper - again!).
1 comments:
my mom miscarried her first and always knew the same thing you did.. It was just me the first time around. Kids are a blessing and I love to hear that from someone with their hands full like you!
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